A couple more “answers”

From the section on the recent survey asking “What problems are caused in your organization due to differences in communication styles?” we received a number of responses that followed a common theme: People’s feelings get hurt or they get offended … which leads to a breakdown in communication and a loss of trust.

Depending on where the specific relationship is at, there are two different approaches:

1. Avoid the misunderstanding in the first place

2. Fix the relationship that has already been damaged.

I’m going to focus on #1 here and try to get to #2 next time.

On our own side of the relationship equation it’s pretty easy for our feelings not to get hurt and to not get offended … just don’t take people’s comments in a negative way.  Easy as that!  Work on the assumption that the other person’s intent really isn’t to offend you.  They are just saying things their own way, you don’t need to react in a negative way either by saying something in response or by internalizing bad feelings.

As far as us not offending people or creating the misunderstandings, that will take a conscious decision to interact with people based on their temperament.

•  When dealing with a Direct person … Get to the point.  The High D person is way more interested in the END of your story than he/she is in the beginning and middle.  If you need something from them, rather than tell them what to do, ask them for their help in accomplishing the goal.

• When working with an Extroverted person … Listen to what they have to say and interact with them.  Cutting an Extrovert off mid sentence is rude and offensive.   Stay in contact, touch base and provide feedback which will demonstrate that you’re interested.

• When interacting with a Paced person … Avoid putting them under pressure.  They can deal with pressure, but they hate it. Be calm … don’t be bossy or confrontational.  Get with them early if there is something that you need.

• When dealing with a Structured person … Don’t tell them that they’re wrong, even indirectly.  If we shrug off their ideas or fail to consider their suggestions we are in essence telling them that their input wasn’t worth anything. Avoid criticizing.  Suggest ways to improve the process.  It’s not so much that “they’re wrong” as it is the “process is not working.”

Think of a person with whom you have a strained relationship. What is their High Trait?  If you focus on their temperament the next time you interact with them, things will improve.  Truthfully, things may improve slowly … but it WILL improve.  MBS 101 – It only takes one person to make an effort for a relationship to improve.

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From the section of the survey “If you could ask Mike Postlewait, MBS president, any question, what would you ask him?” we received the question:  Can I retake the survey?  The quick answer is Yes.  The downside I guess would be that there is the same charge to retake the MBS Survey that you paid when you took the survey originally.

The upside is, you don’t really need to retake the survey because your temperament doesn’t change … it’s part of your human nature.  Over the 30+ years that I’ve been talking about their results with people who for one reason or another have retaken the survey, they almost always agree that the first time a person takes the survey is the most accurate reflection of their temperament.

“But I’ve changed!”… and I don’t dispute that.  As people go through life they learn more things, become more mature, gain more job experience, develop their skills in handling different situations, family dynamics change and the list can go on and on.  People change … we at MBS just don’t think that it’s their temperament that has changed.  The 10 year old Paced and Extroverted child will grow up to be a Paced and Extroverted adult … who will have changed in many, many ways.

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